Trigger warning: This article contains references to suicide and bereavement.

September is Suicide Prevention Month. To mark this, we met a group that does important work to support residents who have been bereaved by suicide.

Mary Maloney and John Whitebrook separately lost a loved one to suicide. As a result, they set up the local branch of the charity Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS).

Mary’s story

When Mary Maloney lost her son Johnny to suicide, her world shattered. Johnny was a bright, ambitious young man, a father of 2, full of life, and determined to make it in the music industry. But in 2009, after discovering a close friend had taken their own life, something in him changed.

“He became closed off and angry,” Mary said. “That anger developed into mental health problems. He started seeing and hearing things.”

Mary did everything she could to get him help. But getting him to see a GP was a battle in itself. When he finally did, he was given a prescription and told there would be a 3-month wait for further support. That same evening, Johnny took all the tablets he had been given.

Johnny was living at home with Mary in Acton, during this crisis. After the overdose, he was admitted to hospital. It took 9 months before he was able to return home.

‘I was begging for help’

“He deteriorated badly,” Mary said. “I was begging for help – not just for him, but for me too.”

But, she felt repeatedly shut out. She explained: “I was told because he was 23, it was none of my business. Every time I tried to intervene, the door was closed in my face.”

She knew he was not being honest with professionals about how he was coping. She added: “I told them, but they said they had to go by what he told them.”

One evening, Johnny came home after being out with friends. Mary said he appeared stressed and went to sit quietly in one of the bedrooms. Within minutes he had taken another overdose. Johnny was rushed to hospital and placed on life support.

Less than a week later, Johnny died in hospital.

The start of Ealing SOBS

After Johnny died, Mary met John Whitebrook at a conference in central London. He had also lost his son to suicide and was volunteering with Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS), a national charity offering peer support to those left behind.

“We are people who have been through it,” John who lives in Ealing said. “We sit with others in their pain, so they do not have to face it alone.”

At the time, there was no local group for people bereaved by suicide. Mary would have had to travel into central London to access support. Together, she and John set up the Ealing SOBS group in February 2024. It now meets monthly and continues to grow.

Mary said: “It is one of the most fantastic groups to come to the borough. People travel from all over to be here. It is so needed.”

‘We will be here’

John added that the group is open to anyone affected by suicide, whether they lost someone days ago or decades ago. He said: “Some people come straight away. Others wait 10 years. We say: come when you are ready. We will be here.”

The group does not offer therapy or advice – just a safe, confidential space to talk.

“People come and say, ‘You get it. You understand.’ That is what makes the difference,” John added.

SOBS runs more than 90 groups across the UK and a national support line. But funding remains a challenge, and so does awareness of the charity.

“The biggest issue is people do not know we are here,” John said. “And we are a small charity doing big work.”

For Mary and John, every meeting is a step toward healing – and a chance to save lives. “If we could have prevented our sons’ deaths, we would be happy people,” Mary said. “Now we want to make sure no one else has to go through what we did.”

‘Suicide is everyone’s business’

Councillor Polly Knewstub, Ealing Council’s cabinet member for healthy equal lives, said: “I’ve met John and Mary and heard their deeply personal accounts of bereavement by suicide, and the powerful role they now play in supporting others. Suicide is everyone’s business – and it is preventable. I urge you to look out for your loved ones. Let’s make a collective effort to spot the signs and save the people we care about.”

The local SOBS group meets on the second Thursday of each month in a confidential space provided by CAPE, a small charity that provides vital mental health services for the borough’s residents.

Could you be a volunteer?

Ealing SOBS is looking for volunteers to help keep the group going. For more information or to get involved, email ealing@uksobs.org

More information

If you are struggling or affected by any of the issues in this article, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123 or visit the Samaritan’s website for support.

Or information on free suicide prevention training, visit the Thrive LDN website.